All I wanted to be

Written at 4am when realized during a nursing session. I'm sure other mothers have had similar realizations but this is my personal experience and what I actually wanted to be and am and I felt it was worth writing down. Now I'm going back to bed, enjoy (and excuse any typos etc. since it was written very early in the morning).

When I was a child I often dreamed of what I would be when I grew up
I wanted to be an artist,
A singer,
A teacher,
A lawyer,
A writer,
And a mother.

Then I became a mother and I chose to stay home with my children.
When people ask me my profession I say "Stay at home mom"
or "Domestic engineer"
or Homemaker.

But I have no regrets in my role because
I have the best job in the world and am everything I wanted to be.
You see,

I am an artist.
I see the most beautiful art I've ever created every day,
my children, who God blessed my husband and I to create.
They reflect us and are yet so unique and are each more fascinating
then anything I've ever or could ever paint, draw, or design.

I am a singer.
I sing my children lullabies every night, and throughout the day,
We sing songs of every genre whether sung perfectly or completely off key
they are beautiful to them.
I may have a small group of fans but their payment in smiles, coos,
kisses, and hugs, as they dance with me twirling in circles or drifting off to sleep
Breathing softly against my chest,
Are worth more than any other payment in the world.

I am a teacher.
Every moment I must guide and teach my children about the world,
About God,
About Love,
About everything and anything.
I'm teaching them even when I don't realize it with every action,
everything I say and do in their presence.
I'm showing them how to live their lives in how I live my life
and I'm teaching them what's truly important.
I may never give grades but my impact on them
will be more than any teacher they ever see in school.

I am a lawyer.
No I have no degree and no courtroom but every day I must negotiate
many arguments and find compromises.
I must figure out if the accuser or defendent is the guilty party,
Amidst the accusations of dueling toddlers.
We build the structure of our home on certain policies and rules we feel are important,
I must lead my children in following the laws of the world
As well as teaching them to set laws for themselves which will lead them to be better people.
And if needed I will fight tooth and nail for my children's rights and freedoms
and protect their innocense to the furthest extent possible.

I am a writer.
I don't have any books but I keep track of all the beautiful moments and memories I can.
Whether through notes or journals,
Even the simple notes to my children and husband,
Saying I love you, will bring such joy to them to read.
and someday I hope these words and the hand that wrote them
will mean even more to them than the most timeless verse.
My grandmother was a writer and my mother still clings to the notes in her beautiful, delicate handwriting, and still feels her love in this way.
I also always recognize my mother's handwriting on envelopes before I open them
And it warms my heart no matter what's inside.
They are writers too, as am I.

I realize now that not only did I get my wise of being a mother,
I am everything I dreamed of, and so much more.
I am and artist, singer, teacher, lawyer, and writer.
I didn't know it at the time
But by becoming a mother all my dreams came true,
and then some.
I see now I wanted to be a mother all along.
I wanted to always be there for my children, to love, guide them,
to care for them,
to teach them,
to sing to them,
to fight for them,
to create memories with them that would last a lifetime
and to help them both remember and write their own stories,
And to help them become whatever they want to be when they grow up,
just as I did.