K’s Birth Story Saturday, October 22, 2011, 8:25am
A little Background:
July 16, 2007: Our first daughter, C, was delivered via scheduled c-section with EXIT procedure due to a condition with her neck (we were both put to sleep and she was half delivered, intubated, and then fully delivered). She was 8lbs 2oz 21 ¾ inches long at 38 weeks gestation and had to spend a week in the NICU at Scottish Rite. My husband was not allowed in the room during delivery though there were many med students and staff present to witness the “rare procedure,” this made me feel a bit on display and is something I’ve still had to work through in subsequent births.
July 18, 2008: Our son, J, was delivered via scheduled c-section at 38 weeks 2 days, weighing 8lbs 4oz 20 1/2 inches long, due to my doctor at the time not wanting to do VBACs with only 12 months between and because he was going on vacation the following week. The doctor also said during surgery I had almost no scar tissue and probably could have VBAC-ed after all. This revelation was what inspired us to begin researching VBAC, and finding out the true facts about it for our next delivery.
September 15, 2010: When I found out I was expecting our third (at 9 weeks along) I began planning for a VBA2C. I switched to the best OB available in my area for VBA2C at the time, Dr. Tate, at 15 weeks along. At 40weeks 3days E arrived weighing 8lbs 11oz 20inches long (story here) via unmedicated spontaneous VBA2C and things progressed so quickly at the hospital Dr. Tate was not able to make the delivery. However, he did direct the resident Catherine Kress from the phone on his way and I know without him my VBA2C probably wouldn’t have been possible and I am eternally grateful.
We found out we were expecting our fourth, K, shortly after E’s birth (we seem to have a tendency to do pregnancies in pairs) due 13 months later. We were under Dr. Tate’s care again, but because Michael, my husband, finished his degree in Mechanical Engineering and was considering various job opportunities we started researching other pregnancy and birth care options. We weren’t sure if we would be moving before delivery or if Michael would be commuting or what. In reflecting over our previous delivery together and with our doula, Michael and I realized the only criticism in E’s birth was that we had to leave home. We were laboring well there and I actually felt I was holding myself back a bit by knowing we had to drive to the hospital. Everything continued to go so well at the hospital and then when Dr. Tate wasn’t able to make it we were reinforced in the thought that staying home would’ve been nice. We also felt reassured with this option because our current rental house is only five minutes from the nearest hospital with an L&D ward. We began researching homebirth and VBAC experienced midwives. From everyone we looked at it seemed like Brenda/Traditional Birth Services was truly a perfect fit. Talitha (our doula) contacted her for us. Michael and I prayed and decided that if we were meant to have a home birth that Brenda would be our provider and if she was not open to it we would take it as a sign this wasn’t meant to be and continue on the path to another hospital delivery. Immediately when we finished praying my cell phone rang (this was even more amazing since it was 9 o’clock at night). It was Brenda and after speaking with her shortly I felt this was really meant to be. She even mentioned how she prayed about which clients she was meant to take on before taking them, and I felt even more that this was all meant to be for our family. After our final 28 week OB appointment we switched providers and began down the journey to HBA2C.
In the final week before K’s birth I began feeling much more tired. This was a lot different to the energy boost I had for weeks at the end of E’s pregnancy. Michael was awesome about letting me get in some extra rest. He said I should listen to my body and joked about that my body was probably storing up energy for the work ahead of it.
Thursday, October 20th, 2011
I had a sudden energy burst and felt a lot better. I’d been waiting for the exhaustion to pass and it seemed it finally may have. For dinner Thursday we went to the same Mexican restaurant we went to the night before we had Eva. We had good food and a great family meal. I didn’t expect to go into labor after (though hoped I might of course since I did with E) and even now was comparing everything to E’s birth thinking it might happen exactly the same.
Friday, October 21st, 2011 my estimated due date, 40 weeks
I woke up at 2am with pink mucousy discharge. I thought this might be the start of labor since this was how E’s birth began. I had a few contractions that were spread out 3-5 minutes, and not consistent in duration. I had a small glass of wine and took a bath, since this helped me relax with E. Instead of just relaxing me while everything continued though the contractions stopped completely so I went back to bed around 4. Thanks to the early morning excitement we slept in a bit, but when I woke up again later and went to the bathroom there was more mucous plug with pink when I wiped. When E had her afternoon nap I laid down with her and got some extra rest. When I woke up and went to restroom I had more discharge this time with dark red in it.
My mother-in-law (who we call Ibu) came over a bit before 5pm. We played with the kids and she spent lots of time in the kitchen cooking and freezing food for us to eat post partum. She had been swearing I was going in to labor Friday (because she had started her first period in 5 months Thursday after seeing us and blamed my hormones) but other than the mucous plug (which I’d been losing a lot in the weeks before as well just without any coloring) I felt great and didn’t see labor coming on any time soon especially with the “fake out” contractions of early that morning.
We all stayed up late Friday night. Ibu stayed after hubby and I went to bed, because she wanted to make sure all the cooking was done. E was awake a little longer wanting to play with her (plus from her schedule being off from the long nap), but she went to bed in her crib for a change (she’d only slept in the crib for naps before this night actually).
Saturday, October 22nd, 2011:
Around 2am I woke up with contractions again. Michael got up with me and we spoke with Ibu. The contractions were pretty strong but I doubted they were real since the previous day’s “fake out.” It felt best during them to lean over the counters in the kitchen and move my legs back and forth like I was doing lunges. Ibu had been supportive of our homebirth plans but very clear she wouldn’t be there for it and we’d agreed so she joked about leaving right then. Because we’d been up late though and Michael was tired we decided it’d be nice if she stayed just in case and he could go back to bed. Ibu compared the way I was working out the contractions to how she’d been at the beginning of her labor with her third child. She thought this was the real thing for sure though I didn’t.
I decided to take a bath (again) and figured things would stop or at least calm down for us to go back to bed. Contractions were all about 3 minutes apart, only 30-45 seconds in length, much easier than E’s at this point so I figured I had plenty of time still. In general it seems I couldn’t get past comparing this birth to my last. I kept expecting everything to progress on the same schedule in the same way as before, despite the many women who’d told me “Every birth is different.” I didn’t get it. And everything did start about the same time with both births but otherwise, I was in for a surprise for sure.
The bath didn’t help with the contractions; in fact things seemed to be accelerating instead of staying consistent like last time. I kept trying to shift positions, relax, but I couldn’t even stand sitting down. I got out of the bath around 3:30 and went to talk with Ibu. My first words were “It didn’t hurt this much last time.” She assured me it did though maybe not so soon and I’d forgotten. I told her it was different though. I was really worried about waking Michael up because he definitely hadn’t gotten enough sleep and I knew he’d probably need it “if this was real” (still had the denial going despite everything). I worked through the contractions walking around and talking with Ibu.
Honestly, I never in a million years imagined I would want my MIL with me during labor, but she was who I needed then. She was the right mix of support, reality check, humor/sarcasm, and comfort it seemed. She also seemed to know the hip squeeze motion like a pro. I am still in shock how well it worked out. I had planned to call my mom in early labor to come watch the kids, but since they were asleep and my mom is not a night owl I knew I’d be more worried about her driving from North Georgia so early in the morning and about her reaction to seeing me in pain than it’d be worth at that point. Ibu’s tough love seemed to just work and she said she would stay as long as we wanted/needed, so we just kept up working together.
Around 5am things were getting much more intense. I told Ibu how bad I felt to wake up Michael and anyone else that early, but that the way the pains were going that I felt I needed to call my midwife, Brenda. I also told Ibu how crazy it was to imagine calling so soon because last time at that point I still had 12 hours before delivery. She said if I felt I needed to call her to call her, that’s her job, and if it wasn’t the real thing (though she thought it was) Brenda would understand. I gave in and called. She asked me about how I had progressed quickly last time, I said yes but not that quickly until the end and “This is different” (though I still was comparing for sure).
Ibu woke Michael up, and though I couldn’t stop apologizing for his lack of sleep I was very happy he was there and he never complained about the lack of sleep. We walked through the contractions and I found the main relief to be when leaning against a living room wall under a pic of C, J, and E while doing lunges, with Michael doing hip squeezes on me while Ibu rubbed my lower back between. This was similar to the motions/massage that my doula Talitha did a lot further on during E’s birth. Michael blew up the tub (though we didn’t fill it with any water) and covered the floor in tablecloths turned upside down (so the felt side was up to prevent sliding) and shower curtain liners. Not too long after I first called Brenda I decided I needed to call again. I told her things had picked up a lot, I was getting a little nervous how much actually. Michael called Talitha, my doula, at 5:47am. She asked him if we wanted her to head over, Michael asked me. My response was “If she wants to be here for the delivery she’d better.” She said she’d be leaving shortly.
The contractions continued to pick up as we waited for everyone to arrive. I wasn’t hungry, but a little tired and knew I needed to keep hydrated so I tried the coconut water everyone had recommended and raved about. The sweetness was overwhelming though so I switched to water and lemon Gatorade between contractions. Though my senses seemed to be heightened in general during pregnancy during labor it was worse. My taste buds and sense of smell (as proven by Ibu’s perfume) were even more sensitive. I started feeling a little nauseous because of this, though thankfully didn’t get sick. I did ask Ibu to stay back during a couple contractions due to the perfume though.
Brenda arrived around 5:30. Despite how much I’d researched and planned for homebirth I was still impressed how extensive her birth kit and tools all were. My living room seemed to quickly fill with precautionary devices and items for baby care and after delivery. Even through the very intense contractions I noticed and felt reassured that in the case of an emergency we were in good hands. The contractions were getting more intense and a little closer it seemed. Also my water was starting to leak a little during them. Brenda took K’s heart rate. It was in the 140s. She mentioned she doubted we’d have time to fill the birth tub up at this point. I hadn’t planned to deliver in the water because I thought it might dull the feeling of touching the baby’s head and catching her myself so I wasn’t really upset about this news. I was still in denial all this was real though. Brenda asked about checking me and I consented mainly because I wanted to know this was real. Lying on the floor between contractions was not the easiest thing for sure. She said I was 8.5cm, almost complete, and reassured me this wasn’t going to stop anytime soon despite my worries.
Talitha arrived not too long after Brenda. Ibu got some tea cozy rice pads we had and placed them on my back and then spent time coming in the living room to help where she could and back in the kitchen cooking again. I moved from my wall lunges to kneeling over my peanut ball and next to our loveseat on the floor. Talitha took over putting pressure on my mid-back and Michael kept up hip squeezes, letting me lean on him, and generally being his amazing “labor mode of Dad/Hubby.” It impressed me how he stepped up during E’s birth and this was even more amazing. At one point C woke up and Ibu went and talked to her about how if she went back to sleep she could dream of a new sister who was a baby princess and when she woke up she’d get to meet her. C went back to bed quickly after this. It worked out really well timing wise that everything was happening while the kids were asleep. I had told Michael before that I thought the time I was most relaxed was when they were all in bed and I’m glad it worked out this way.
Jen (Brenda’s apprentice) arrived shortly after Talitha. Along with assisting Brenda and comforting me she took pictures for us as well and was awesome at seeming to be everywhere at once but never disruptive or in the way. I felt comforted by her presence and supported by it, but never interrupted by it. I can definitely see her as being a great midwife in the future.
Second stage
Around 15 till 7 my water was leaking more with each contraction and I began occasionally pushing. I felt tons of pressure and felt I was pushing, but my head started getting in my body’s way. I felt I was doing everything wrong and started focusing on everyone around me. Every time someone whispered, even though it didn’t have to do with me directly I thought it was criticizing me, saying what I was doing wrong. Though I was complete, K was still pretty high. Everyone kept telling me I needed to bring her down, but I didn’t know what else to do to get that done. Hold my breath, don’t hold my breath, growl, don’t let your voice go to high, low tones….no one was directing me but my own worries and stage fright (from my first delivery) were in full force. I asked for everyone to definitely be praying for me. Brenda said a wonderful prayer aloud then which helped me focus a little more but I still felt I was fighting myself.
This is when the worries and doubts really came and I started working things out in my head. This wasn’t working: the position, the pushing, the focus, everything. The only pain relief I asked for was Tylenol, in jest, but I didn’t want pain relief I wanted my baby. I thought about alternatives. I did have choices, but what were they. In a hospital ineffective long term pushing for me would most likely end in c-section, though maybe in a best case scenario I’d “only” get vacuum or forceps. Yes the baby would be out, but with weeks of physical pain and years of mental and emotional distress to come knowing I could do this but got in my own way. I started my own mini-mantra (though as hubby said it seemed more like mumbling at first) talking to myself saying “I can do this” over and over and “I am doing this.” I had lots of pressure and tried to focus more. I pushed harder and actually pooped a bit during. At this point despite any worries prior to birth of embarrassment of this prospect I didn’t care. This at least showed I was doing something right. I pushed again and the rest of my water gushed out. Talitha reminded me of what happened during E’s labor after this happened and that she came soon after. This point was my turning point though. I finally realized, and truly accepted “this is not that birth.”
Obviously the same thing wasn’t working, the same position (for the most part) etc. and I needed to change it. I put aside any worries about delivering in water and asked to get in the bath tub. It was suggested I try a couple contractions on the toilet. This actually felt really good. With more pressure came more bowel movements while there which was convenient. I knew I didn’t want to give birth on the toilet but I relaxed a little. The contractions seemed to get a little more manageable now that I was in the bathroom with just Michael. Not sure if they actually were physically easier or just mentally. I thought for a second how maybe the contractions getting easier to handle was a bad sign, but I pushed the thought from my mind. I chose to birth the best way for my baby, God was watching over us, everything was okay and we just needed to figure out how to work through all this. Everyone seemed to get it even though I was still figuring it out. Someone turned the lights off so the only light was the sun peaking through the window; Brenda checked on me and K’s heart rate, but stayed outside the door and encouraged Michael to stay in with me, just the two soon to be three of us. In the tub the water felt great but didn’t dull things, just allowed me to work things out it seemed.
Now I want to note that our rental house is older and this tub is not the biggest thing. It has the two glass sliding doors which can only be open one at a time. Not the best option for birthing in general honestly, but once again worked perfectly for us. I needed the privacy and intimacy of that tiny bathroom and tub with just Michael, K, and I. Though in the living room I had so many hands on my back, so many comforting faces, I was getting too caught up in the feeling that we had an audience. I felt more comfortable with just Michael holding my hand in the dark of the bathroom with the sun peaking through the small window. This privacy and intimacy is a big thing I know I most likely wouldn’t have been able to have in a hospital birth.
I balanced my forearms on the sides of the tub and used the leverage to squat in the water. I was still contracting and losing mucous plug etc. I started feeling around to apply counter pressure. I pressed around the skin on the various sides of my vagina. I could feel where K was by the pressure with her head more toward my back putting pressure on my anus. We believe she may have been posterior and the reason she took longer to descend despite me being complete was her turning through all this, combined with her bigger size compared to my other babies. I started visualizing and figuring out where she was and where I needed her to get. I pressed around the edge some when pushing. I shifted from squat to a kind of side lie and back and forth. I talked to her during all this, and probably seemed crazy to Michael but it worked. “Okay I need you to move this way you’re too far back, I’ll tilt this and you shift here. Good. Now you need to move down….” And so on. I felt a little inside to see if what I felt was progress actually was and was surprised by a rubbery feeling squished ball with what felt like wet hair on it and was very obviously not part of me. I yelled “Brenda I feel something! Something’s happening!” Brenda quickly came in asking Michael “She thinks she feels the head?” I responded “Well it’s not me for sure.” Soon there was no doubting it to anyone who could see.
She mentioned how I probably needed to change position for pushing since I was in a kind of can opener pose (one leg up one down awkwardly in our small bathtub). I couldn’t imagine sitting or lying back as much but tried shifting to a squat the next push then laying back the next and it worked. K was definitely coming now. Once again comparing to E’s birth a little: with E I pushed once and her head came out partially, held her there then pushed her again and she was out…..this was not that birth.
K was coming out much more slowly. I could feel everything (my worries about the water dulling things were null). I felt her slowly crowning and felt the ring of fire coming as well (this definitely was more pronounced than during E’s birth). I felt my skin stretching against her as she moved further out, every centimeter it seemed. With a push K’s head slowly emerged and then the contraction stopped. And suddenly I was sitting there with her head out waiting. Michael told me “You’re doing it hun! She’s right there!” My response was “No shit.” Not my finest moment but really not sure anyone could’ve missed that there was a baby coming out of me at this point. He reached down to feel her head and help guide her as well. Brenda checked heart rate and the cord to make sure it wasn’t on K’s neck. It was on her upper torso and when she told me I reached down and pulled it off. All was truly perfect. Jen and Talitha were there but not in the way just reassuring. Jen is very tall thankfully so got some pictures from above the bath. The birth was really about Michael and I bringing this baby into the world together, just as she was created by the two of us together.
I can’t explain how incredible he was. It felt like forever as I waited for another contraction to push again. I actually told Brenda and Michael “Just pull her out!” and “I want another contraction!” An hour before hand I never could’ve imagined such a request. I can see now though how some women might enjoy pushing more maybe. Michael continued supporting me through everything. He helped guide K’s head out as I pushed and then as she slowly turned her shoulders I reached down and put my hands under her arms on her torso. At 8:25 am, in one of the most beautiful moments of my life, and of my husband’s and my relationship, K turned, slid out, and was born with my hands holding her under her arms and Daddy’s hands first on her head then moving down to help lift her bottom and feet up onto me. We brought our baby Katarina Ruth onto my chest together. It was amazing and even now I have to remind myself it was real. Brenda was close by for safety but she kept her hands back in between checking all was well so we could have that incredible moment, but still managing to make sure all was perfect.
I could tell she was beautiful from the start. I did double check to make sure she was still a she. I was amazed how much dark blonde curly hair she had (more than E currently has probably). At some point during pushing the lights had been turned back on. K’s forehead was a little purple from pushing but she quickly pinked up. Her apgars were 9/9. She had some congestion which Brenda suctioned out and everyone kept saying how big and healthy she was though she seemed tiny to me.
K lay on my chest contently with a few little cries. She kept exploring with her tiny long fingers and actually grasped my cross necklace for a bit. This moment meant a lot to me because this necklace was worn by my great grandmother who is my namesake when she had my grandmother, my mother when she had me, my husband when I had C and J (because I wasn’t allowed any jewelry), and by me during E’s birth last year. It was a reminder of how far my family and I have been in our birth journeys and how much God has blessed us. And I couldn’t imagine a better birth for Katarina then how everything worked out.
After K’s delivery:
I called my mom and actually woke her up to tell her we had someone she needed to come meet. She was surprised to say the least, but all worked out perfectly since she’d had a late night the night before as well and actually needed to sleep in a little too so I’m thankful I didn’t have to worry about her driving down and the kids were asleep. Also this meant she was able to drive down now and stay up with the kids during the day while Ibu, Michael, and I tried to catch up on sleep later.
K and I were in the bath for awhile after. The cord stopped pulsing, but the placenta hadn’t passed yet. Brenda decided Michael should cut the cord and we should make sure all was okay with the placenta. He cut it and got to hold Katarina while Brenda checked me. We let the water out so she could assess the bleeding etc. I was hemorrhaging a little so she gave me a herbal medicine to help stop that. In a first for everyone present the placenta split in half while coming out and Brenda had to reach in to get the rest of it. We got everything out and the placenta was inspected and then Jen took it to encapsulate.
We believe I had a succinturiat placenta which pretty much means there’s an extra lobe on the side of it which was retained. This obviously didn’t affect K’s growth or anything other than the way the placenta came out but I never was really worrying even with this slight complication since we really were in the best of hands under Brenda’s care. It’s amazing to me how much can be done in the home and all the precautions that are taken. I don’t think when people think about home birth they realize this. And Brenda in particular is truly the best midwife our family could imagine, even my MIL who is not biggest supporter of home birth to say the least was beyond impressed by Brenda and Jen. I am so thankful again and again that God led us to find them.
After the placenta was out we filled the tub up again and added the herbal sitz bath to the fresh water. K and I both bathed in it and it was so nice and relaxing sitting there bonding with her.
Meeting the family/Baby stats:
Michael, K, and I moved to the bedroom with Brenda while the rest of our support crew cleaned up the living room and bathroom. Before doing the newborn exams Ibu and Michael went and woke up C and J to come meet Katarina, and then they brought Eva in shortly after. C remembered her baby princess from her dreams and kept saying how “K’s so pretty. I love her.” J knew this baby was K but kept asking how she got out of Mommy’s belly (despite having seen some birth videos), we’ll go more into depth on that one later. Eva was a little overwhelmed when she came in since everyone was in the bedroom at this point and she didn’t recognize all the faces at first but she was very happy to check out her new baby sis. She even surprised us by taking a hat to try and dress her baby sis (when normally she takes other people’s clothes just to put on herself, she already wants little sis to play dress up with her it seems).
Brenda was amazingly thorough doing the newborn exam even checking blood type for us. She was also very patient with big siblings trying to help. Katarina’s stats surprised us all a little, though the earlier guesstimate when she emerged was upper 8lbs, she was 9lbs 6oz and 22inches long, our biggest baby so far at 40 weeks 1 day gestation, though E was 2 days further along.
Brenda then did my exam. I have two tears, but both are only first degree and didn’t require stitches.
I feel wonderful though a bit more tired than after E’s birth which could just be attributed to one more child and no hospital down time. I definitely feel great still though and am so thankful we were able to stay home the whole time. I am also so very thankful for Brenda’s care along with the aid and support of Jen, Talitha, and the surprise aid of my mother-in-law. God was definitely watching over us throughout K’s pregnancy and birth and our family is so incredibly blessed.
I also keep thinking back to how our birth progressed. In a hospital had I gone through the same thing I am very doubtful most providers would have shown me the same patience or allowed my husband and I to go aside, with me in the water to work through everything which was what Katarina and I truly needed. I really feel we were led to home birth for a reason and it was the best birth option for our baby, us, and our family. I am thankful God led us down this path and to find Brenda.
Though I kept the home birth part of my plans a little more private I again received so much support from ICAN of Atlanta throughout pregnancy and birth and must thank yall as well for everything, for the second year in a row
Update:
It’s now been 4 weeks since Katarina/K joined our family and I’m still getting used to juggling four kids, but definitely loving it. She is getting bigger fast (at a week she was already almost the same size E was at a month old, at 10lbs 8oz) and already changing so much, trying to roll, keeping her eyes open more to watch us, and responding to all the cuddles and kisses her big siblings want to give non-stop lol. I am still in shock that I had such an amazing experience with E’s birth last year I don’t think it’s sunk in completely that K’s birth really happened since it was so incredible too. I am so thankful for each of my babies and for how far my journey becoming a mother and giving birth to each of my children has taken me, in the course of only a few years. I’m so glad I found ICAN and you ladies to help me along this journey and share these joys with me. I can’t wait to see what the next year has to hold though crossing my finger for a little bit of a pregnancy break, though we’ll see what God has planned for us.
I am still working through some feelings I had in preparing for my second VBAC compared to my first, but felt I should share here. Before I had E I thought that once I had a vaginal/”normal” delivery things would be different. I almost expected my surgeries to undo themselves and my scars to disappear (physical and emotional), and although for me my VBACs have been incredibly healing going into this pregnancy (and in a similar way to how my second had come so quickly after my first, which was the excuse my OB had used for my second c-section) I still had a lot of doubts if maybe E’s birth was just luck, and if I could really trust my body to do all this again. Then to add in the extra uncertainties of having the home birth I dreamed of and felt called for in addition to that was a huge tough decision that took us a while to make. In preparing and deciding the best plan for K’s birth I had to cut myself off from people a little to work through all these fears and doubts and be able to make the best decision for my baby. Even without talking out these fears as much though (I brought it up at one meeting but only briefly) I still found support in the posts (current and past) on the boards and from many women I’ve connected to through this group even if they didn’t realize how much their words might be resonating with me. Especially when Elaine (my ICAN chapter leader) had Simon (her 2VBA2C baby) and said “I truly truly can now say that my body is not broken, the last VBA2C was not a fluke.” I still get teary thinking back, that statement helped give me the faith to trust where I felt God was leading us, to trust my body again, and now after K’s birth I feel I have found that truth finally as well, and am so thankful.
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