L's Birth Story

Added late again (copy pasting from ICAN and editing date for when it happened)
 
L’s Birth Story Wednesday, June 19, 2013, 12:46pm

Background:

July 16, 2007: Our first daughter, C, was delivered via scheduled c-section with EXIT procedure due to a condition with her neck (we were both put to sleep and she was half delivered, intubated, and then fully delivered). She was 8lbs 2oz 21 ¾ inches long at 38 weeks gestation and had to spend a week in the NICU at Scottish Rite. My husband was not allowed in the room during delivery though there were many med students and staff present to witness the “rare procedure,” this made me feel a bit on display and is something I’ve still had to work through in subsequent births.

July 18, 2008: Our son, J, was delivered via scheduled c-section at 38 weeks 2 days, weighing 8lbs 4oz 20 1/2 inches long, due to my doctor at the time not wanting to do VBACs with only 12 months between and because he was going on vacation the following week. The doctor also said during surgery I had almost no scar tissue and probably could have VBAC-ed after all. This revelation was what inspired us to begin researching VBAC, and finding out the true facts about it for our next delivery.

September 15, 2010: When I found out I was expecting our third (at 9 weeks along) I began planning for a VBA2C.  I switched to the best OB available in my area for VBA2C at the time, Dr. Tate, at 15 weeks along. At 40weeks 3days E arrived weighing 8lbs 11oz 20inches long (story here) via unmedicated spontaneous VBA2C and things progressed so quickly at the hospital Dr. Tate was not able to make the delivery. However, he did direct the resident Catherine Kress from the phone on his way and I know without him my VBA2C probably wouldn’t have been possible and I am eternally grateful.

October 22, 2011: Our fourth child, third daughter surprised us and was due 13 months after our 3rd. Over the course of that pregnancy we decided that the best choice for our family this time around was a home birth. We chose Brenda Parrish of Traditional Birth Services as our midwife, or felt more God chose her for us. At 40weeks 1day K arrived at home after about 6 hours of labor at home, suprisingly in our tiny bath tub despite beforehand my never imagining I would have a water birth. That story is here

Baby #5

We found out we were expecting our 5th baby right before K's 1st birthday in October 2012. We were very surprised because I had been charting my cycle and had a much longer cycle then expected, conceiving on day 24 which was much out of the ordinary for me. The only reason I tested was I had a dream the night before that I was expecting and the initial test was more than a bit of a shock for us. According to these dates my due date was June 17th, 2013 right after Daddy's birthday and Father's Day. According to early ultrasound it was between this and the 19th. Despite the surprise a little sooner than planned we were very happy and just felt we should go in from the beginning planning another homebirth with Traditional Birth Services/Brenda again.

We also decided we wanted to keep the gender a surprise until birth. With our other children we couldn't do this because from the start my symptoms followed the classic old wives' tales and I just knew what I was having and ultrasound would confirm that. This time around my symptoms were all over the place and I would go back almost weekly on thinking girl or boy so we agreed if we were going to not find out with any of our children it better be this one.

From the start I was a little defensive about people just assuming we wanted a boy since we only have one versus our three girls and I loved the idea of another little girl though I knew whoever God chose to give our family would be perfect. Michael did say several times, thanks to my emotional outbursts, that he thought girl. We also somehow agreed on a couple girls' names but could never agree on a boy's and I had a very vivid birth dream with a little girl (this was fairly close to the actual birth so maybe some foreshadowing, though I also had some other vivid birth dreams that were just crazy too).

We told our other children we were expecting on Christmas Eve (and got that reaction on video).  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNkMDJSPuf0&feature=youtu.be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gosBPU7Y-wo&feature=youtu.be Our eldest, C, 5 at the time, first wanted a boy but then decided a girl would be good too if she could name her Sleeping Beauty. She said the new baby on the way was her favorite Christmas gift.

We nicknamed the baby JuneBug. 

Somehow despite Daddy's doubts and my own we managed to make it through the anatomy scan and a 3d ultrasound not finding out the sex (baby's legs were tightly locked and crossed to help us out).

As my fifth baby I did pop sooner, and was bigger measuring throughout. I did not notice many other differences from this during the pregnancy (other that more annoyance from my diastasis a couple times maybe), but postpartum I do think my cramps were a little more severe at first in helping shrink my uterus. During this pregnancy I was very stressed because we also bought a house and moved in in May. Thankfully all worked out and we were in the best place, emotionally and physically for this baby's birth when the time came.

Before birth my main goal was not to plan and "expect" things to be a certain way. My mantra was "Don't expect, accept." My previous birth I had a lot of comparisons and expectations that held me back at first. I did have thoughts of things I might like to happen during this birth but I really focused more on the bigger picture and from the start tried to accept things would happen as they were meant to. At the ICAN blessingway we had for Lindsey and I, Shoshanah spoke on how "The story of your birth has already been written, you have just to live it." This really felt true for L's labor and birth and was something I thought on often through everything. I also had a couple plaques in my room that said "Let your faith be stronger than your fear" and "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." All of these came back to me during birth.

In the week prior to birth I had a few bouts of random contractions but nothing timeable. Though I did not "do" the full hypnobirthing plan I did find a lot of peace in their affirmations through this, especially ""every surge brings you closer to your baby." I was more tired and felt like I was in homebody and hibernation mode. I know my body was storing up energy for the work ahead just like it did before K's birth.

At my last midwife appointment I was measuring large and baby had turned posterior. I believe this was due to stress because they couldn't find the heartbeat at first (doppler was broken) and I had to lay on my back for awhile. I did stress over baby position for awhile because of this but baby would flip back and forth a lot still so I got past it, though kind of expected this could cause false labor so I think this had me more willing to doubt if labor was real when the time did come.

Monday, June 17th, 2013, 40 weeks

My due date (based on charting) came and went, with it came a huge surge of energy similar to the one I had before my third baby, E, arrived. I woke up wanting to have a baby or plan something else in the meantime. I really felt ready to take my whole family on vacation. I did find a sense of peace with the baby not being here and not coming any time soon maybe. I will admit the week before on my husband Michael's birthday and on Father's day I had hoped to have the baby, and I'd even hoped to just go anytime before my due date (for a change) but now that I was there it was like a switch flipped and my body and mind just reached acceptance about whatever was to come.

Tuesday, June 18th, 2013, 40 weeks 1 day

The day after my due date went well. I nested and cooked more than I had for dinner in several days past. All day I felt very energetic but somehow off as well. I wasn't contracting but felt pretty uncomfortable to the extent I only wanted to sit on the birth ball. I also had no appetite what so ever. Because I knew logically I could have the baby relatively soon I forced myself to eat every time the kids did throughout the day.

Michael had to go to Douglasville after work to pick up some woodworking stuff. I was a little irritated he was going to be a bit later coming home because of this but I also didn't feel like I was in labor at all, just not myself and that I wanted him home. The kids were being awesome and were great with a slightly later dinner. Again I forced myself to eat despite not feeling hungry at all.

Michael could tell I wasn't my normal self. I started having some random contractions, but again nothing timeable, so I really doubted anything would come of it but prodromal labor maybe.

After the kids went to bed we headed to bed early as well. Michael reminded me that just like me forcing myself to eat we should get some sleep too just in case. We went to sleep around 9. Shortly after going to bed our 20 month old K climbed out of her bed and into ours. I woke up around 9:30 with some stronger contractions which seemed to actually have some pattern (though I didn't time them). Laying on my side was miserable but I was pretty tired. K then climbed on me trying to snuggle. I didn't want to wake her and randomly enough, toddler on top of you while you lay on your side has a similar effect to heating pad and hip squeezes it seems and allowed me enough pain relief and distraction to stay in bed another couple hours.

Around 11:30pm I woke up again. The contractions were getting more annoying and I could no longer sleep through them. I thought about working through them in the bedroom but our other 2 daughters had migrated into our room at some point and were asleep on the floor (really out of character for them) so I decided to take a bath in hopes of things stopping so I could return to bed or getting going so I could have a baby.

I had a few contractions on the toilet and though my stool was normal (not loose or hard) my body definitely seemed to be clearing things out which I figured was a good sign for days to come at least. Because my other two labors began with bloody show and losing the mucus plug I kept looking for this and didn't have it so didn't take things very seriously for showing baby on the way any time soon.

Wednesday, June 19th, 2013 40w2d

The bath was great but dulled things enough I kept just hoping to stop, what I assumed, was prodromal labor, so I could go back to bed.

I timed the contractions a little (just start times not duration) and everything were about 5-6 minutes apart. My other labors contractions were 1-2 minutes apart from the start so this felt like forever and I just "knew" this couldn't be "it."

However, despite how sure I was this wasn't "it", it wasn't stopping. I also had no problem working through the contractions on my own though, which for me again means very early labor, if it all. I just couldn't do the one thing I wanted, go back to bed.

Somehow I just got in and out of the bath and distracted myself through contractions I kept doubting were "real" till about 4. A lot of this time was spent listening to pandora and playing tetris between contractions. At 4 the contractions were still about 5 minutes apart but had gotten a bit stronger and I figured if they kept up till 6am I would call my midwife, doula, photographer, and my mother (our childcare) then, since at least that would be a reasonable wake up time (even if it wasn't real labor) and they could arrange their schedules and childcare for the day just in case they needed to come over.

Michael woke up to check on me several times and he agreed this was a good plan. He also was very happy to have gotten most of a full night's sleep (which did not happen with our previous birth).

Around 5am I started considering maybe this was real. Maybe my baby was on the way and my body was working towards everything. Despite my doubts I knew "real or not" that every contraction was working either way of course towards the big goal and as the affirmation said "every surge brings you closer to your baby."

I was feeling a little more energy, a little excitement that today may be the day, today I'd get to find out who was in there kicking me, I'd get to see how things played out, let my body do what it was made for, and then at about 5:45........

it all stopped.

The contractions weakened, they spread over 10 minutes apart, and my moment of energy, excitement, anticipation to call everyone just dropped with it.

I went ahead and called my midwife Brenda and doula Talitha at 6 as planned but felt like I'd just lost a night's sleep for nothing. Brenda said she thought my body was just in very early labor and she'd still prepare just in case she needed to cancel appointments for the day after all.

Talitha reassured me it was working towards something but to prepare myself that this could start or stop again today or another day. I had told her my worries of baby being posterior as well so she agreed that could be at play too. She said she would arrange child care anyway just in case.

At 6:10 or so I climbed back in bed feeling defeated though trying to remain focused on the big picture. I fell asleep quickly.

The Real Thing

At 7:10 I woke up with the worst contraction yet. I tried to walk to the bathroom to not wake the kids (the three who were sleeping in our room still). I had to bend over the bed's footboard on the way there. I made it into the master bathroom again and decided I'd fill the bath again. I had a few more much stronger contractions but didn't time them.

I figured this was a good sign but still felt really defeated from the earlier fake out. Michael usually leaves for work fairly early and was running late as it was close to 7:30 already so I called Brenda again to let her know and ask her if she thought he'd be okay going to work or not (30 minutes away). She agreed it was a good sign and she also thought I should call my mom just in case I needed the childcare. I was pretty exhausted so whether in labor or not I figured it was a good idea to give her the heads up.
Michael agreed to stay home till 9am and we could reassess then if he needed to go in or not. I was having my doubts still and really didn't want to have Michael and my mom lose time at work or call all our birth team in for nothing if this wasn't “the real thing.”

I called Talitha at 8 (7:58). She reassured me and agreed I should call my mom and that she would set up her own childcare as well, just in case.

The kids woke up shortly after this (late for them since they went to bed a little late) and Daddy took them downstairs for breakfast.

The contractions were getting harder despite my denial still. I started yelling for Michael occassionally to run upstairs and give me hip squeezes as I worked through them, still in the tub. C came in during one contraction and asked why I was upset. Daddy said it was because the water in my bath was too cold, still concerned though she asked  me if Daddy was telling the truth or not. I assured her I was fine and mentioned Ami (my mom) might be coming to visit today (I didn't want to mention the baby maybe coming since I still didn't believe it). This excited her enough though and she had to run back to let her siblings know.

Throughout the early morning I still had no appetite but as I was very tired after very little sleep I forced myself to eat granola bars and drink water in an attempt to keep up my energy.

I gave in and called my mom, but was sure to tell her that this may not be it (since things stopped before) and that it was just to let her be prepared in case. It was good I called then since she almost left her house without her phone this morning.

A bit after 9, something changed so I called my mom again. The contractions picked up, though still weren't as close as I'd expect and I needed Michael more often. I decided, labor or not I needed her help watching the kids and needed Michael with me.

At 10 (9:58) I called Talitha again to let her know that I had my mom coming and Michael staying home, whether this was labor or not. She said she was planning to take her kids to Marietta either way so she'd be near me whatever I wanted when I needed her. I told her I thought my contractions were still pretty far apart but then on the phone with her had 2 contractions in 4 minutes that made her think I was further along than I realized.

Talitha was amazing comforting me that no one would care if they arrived earlier than the baby and that everyone just wanted to be there for me but that it was my choice if I wanted her, or anyone else to come. She said how she thought from talking to me (hearing me fighting my doubts along with the contractions) that I wanted her there soon but she wanted me to make the choice whether it was or not.

This was just what I needed to hear. I almost cried. It was hard for me finding the balance between wanting to please people (well not upset them having them there too soon or not at all) and feeling I was completely in control and supported in my birth. With K's birth I felt as though I could've almost gone unassisted, but this birth was more like E's and I wanted that support. Talitha sensed this and was perfect in approaching it with me. I told her I needed her and she said she would leave shortly.

At 10:11am I called Brenda and told her the contractions were stronger but I still wasn't sure how long till baby arrived but maybe this was the real thing, or at least my body was working. I told her I'd had a couple contractions with Talitha on the phone and how Talitha was on her way. Brenda trusted this and what I was saying as an indication and said she'd keep in touch and be ready.

At 10:15 Talitha called back to let me know she was on the way. Things were definitely picking up still.

At 10:17 my mom called back to let me know she was on the way as well, she mentioned road names but I couldn't talk. Later my mom said she knew I was having the baby for sure then and there because I was overly polite then hung up quickly which was actually because I was having a contraction.

At 10:50 things were getting more serious so I text messaged Sarah, our photographer to let her know we "might" need her as well. I remember she'd mentioned us calling around 8cm and since Brenda wasn't there yet and I was still doubting myself I thought I should wait a bit before saying for sure if this was it or not.

At 10:57am, since we expected my mom would be arriving any second, we called Brenda again to tell her to head over. She told us she was already on the way since hearing what I'd said Talitha had said she also expected the baby would be here soon.

At 10:59 I had a particularly bad contraction and yelled at Michael to come quick. He was juggling the kids and running back to me. As I stood in the tub reaching for him, midway out of the water, my water broke. It was clear but had some vernix in it. I was kind of in shock because I still hadn't had bloody show before this point (as I did with my other two labors). However, like with my others, my water usually doesn't break until I'm pretty much in transition and for me means baby is definitely getting close.
I told Michael to let Brenda know my water had broke and message Sarah telling her too. In my tired labor haze I forgot that Sarah (unlike my doula and midwife) didn't know my pattern for labor and water breaking. Michael texted Sarah that my water had broken and she replied “Yay! Having contractions with it?” Michael thought this was hilarious and had to share with me (since you know I'm on the edge of transition at this point). He replied “Mhm Come when can” and she replied she would leave as soon as she dropped her kids off.

My mom showed up not too long after this and took over with the kids downstairs so I thankfully had Michael to myself to help me work through the contractions. He would sit or lean over the side of the bath tub and squeeze my hips and rub my back as I growled through the contractions and pressed my face into his jeans leg. I would sometimes reach my hands around his leg like a tree trunk I was holding onto to to keep me on the ground, other times I'd hold his hand, and sometimes I'd pierce my fingernails into the denim as I got angry at the contractions. I think my husband was thankful for the jeans because otherwise his legs would've been torn up. At one point I had my face on his thigh and actually bit him though I didn't realize till after.

I definitely did not feel as in control as I did with later labor with K. At this point I also began cursing a bit (something I don't normally do very often).

At 11:30 Brenda, and her assistants Que, and Jen arrived to lots of growling and cursing and me feeling like a mess though very thankful they were there.

Michael had been trying to get the birth pool up for the past hour but I needed him and kept calling him back so it didn't happen. I was fairly content not to leave the tub at this point though anyway. Thankfully despite the full night before, our hot water heater never ran out.
In my head I began comparing myself to tiger, growling, clawing, biting, angry.

I still had a few moments of clarity between the onslaught of contractions and during that time I apologized to Brenda and her assistants for saying the f word (over and over a bit). Brenda laughed and reminded me to not worry about it and just do whatever I needed to get through. Jen checked the baby's heartbeat and all was perfect.

When Brenda and her team arrived I wasn't sure who was there yet. As my contractions were their worst I asked where Talitha was (I needed more than just hubby's hip squeezes). Thankfully Talitha arrived right after and similar to how E's birth went, her and Michael started combining their efforts rubbing my back, massaging my shoulders, and doing the hip squeezes. These were more difficult over the edge of our bath tub but none the less worked. A bit after noon Sarah arrived as well.

Brenda asked to check me, but at this point the contractions were worse than I remembered with my others and I had finally lost the whole “Is this real” and didn't care what dilation I was or wasn't so I replied, "No you can't check me right now, I'm know I'm in transition, so there."  I continued with some things to the effect "Why the hell did I want to do this again, I want to just be pregnant forever, they're not coming, it doesn't want to come out well that's fine, I'll just keep the belly forever, fine!"
This was rough and I lost my sense of time through the contractions. After what I felt like was forever though looking back was less than an hour I admitted I might be pushing. Brenda and Talitha agreed it sounded like it. Brenda wanted to check me to make sure I was fully dilated though and not swelling myself up pushing before I was ready.

Upon checking she said all I had left was a lip on left. She wanted me to try shifting and blowing through the contractions as I leaned toward that side. I felt my body was a bit out of my control at this point and though I tried not to push and to blow through I really wasn't sure if I was doing what they'd said or not. I was turning circles in the tub trying to get comfortable and fight pushing as much, or maybe direct it more at that side, not sure. Michael and Talitha were amazing reassuring me how good I was doing but I still felt I was fighting a never ending battle.

Talitha and Que said they wanted me to do a standing lunge on the side of tub to get rid of the rest of the lip. I tried, though felt like being out of the water was torture. After a few minutes and a couple contractions I had a particularly strong surge and slid down back into the water.

I apologized for doing it wrong, and they assured me I was doing perfectly. I told them it hurt and I couldn't do it, meaning birth more than the lunge.

Que looked at me with her own calmness and beautiful strength (that she always seems to have) and said how strong she thought I was and how I was doing perfectly. I felt so much love and support around me. Que's eyes and the calmness and support of the women surrounding me who all got it made me think maybe I could be strong but in that realization and threw tears I looked back and said “It's okay to be weak too, it's okay that it hurts.” That was all I could get out before another contraction but I think my admission of my own pain and weakness and my own acceptance of it really brought me that strength.

Between pushes and tears I found moments of peace. I prayed aloud and in my head and quietly cried while looking at the sky and sun through the bathroom window while leaning back in the water.

Talitha pulled my hair back gently and rubbed some oil on my shoulders (which thankfully I didn't have any issues with the scent and just was relaxing), Michael kept telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was even as I bit him through his jeans again.

I moved in the water and finally felt my baby's head right at the edge of crowning. They told Brenda I thought I felt the head and I said I did but it wasn't out yet just right there at the edge. I was still not as in control as in K's birth but this was also nothing like E's pushing stage either. With the lip gone the contractions and my body worked together completely against my control. I didn't push too many times but the baby was big, and would move in and out, back and forth, forward and back. I had to get used to the fact the baby would move forward a lot only to slip back a little. I told the baby “You can do it, come on” over and over. At least I'd gotten past my earlier place of “it doesn't want to come out.”

Brenda asked if I wanted Michael to catch and I looked at him and said “I may need your help more this time.” I was leaning back more and reaching to guide the baby out myself was more difficult. He asked what I meant and a contraction hit so I said “Yes you catch!” He and Brenda switched sides of the tub since he'd been closer to my head and she was checking heart rate again just in time for our baby to slip into his hands. He quickly pulled her into my hands above the water and up onto my chest.

Finally at 12:46pm (only a bit over an hour after my birth team arrived though it felt like a century) our baby was born.

After Birth:

I was crying with joy and relief at this point. I spoke with the baby saying “You did it! You made it here!” Other than being exhausted, in love, and in awe I also noted her head molding and joked there was no way to doubt she was born vaginally (also this made sense with how she moved forward and back with the pushing).

Daddy and I laid baby down for him to say "it's a girl!"  Because she was right there on me and he wanted to be sure before saying we both knew before he said it. Through more happy tears I said “I knew it, I knew it, it was what I wanted all along.”

As we basked in the moments and waited for the cord to stop pulsing I asked for weight guesses, since my babies always seem tiny to me at arrival no matter how big they might really be. Everyone guessed in the late 8lbs to mid 9s with Brenda getting closest to actual.

After the cord stopped pulsing Michael cut it. The cord was very long and after cutting it there was still a lot that was trimmed to a tie later.
We drained the water to check my bleeding and I was hemorrhaging a little so I was given something to help with that.

Since we had some craziness with the placenta when I had K (succenturiate placenta which tore in half and was retained partially requiring Brenda to remove it manually) I was concerned this might happen again. While I sat nursing though painlessly and surprising us my placenta slid out on it's own like nothing.

I knew once we told the kids they'd want to come up so we waited a bit on telling them, and my mom who was watching them. Everyone kept the secret for a bit as we refilled the tub with the herbal sitz bath. Que went out in the yard and got some flowers to put in the bath for us. I asked for some of the blue hydrangeas because they are special to my family. Growing up my mother always had blue hydrangeas in our yard because her grandmother Lura (my namesake), and mother Alberta, always them in theirs and with this little girl's pregnancy and birth I felt it was very special we had them in the yard at our new house (planted by the previous owners).

Everyone left the bathroom for a bit so Michael and I could sit, talk, and just take in our new baby.

This is when we chose her name as well. Lea means meadow and weary and Alberta is my mother and grandmother's name. I felt the first name was perfect, especially when thinking back to her birth tiring me out and also that calm and peace at the end, reminding me of a meadow, bursting with new life.

Meeting the family/Baby stats:

After the herbal bath we left the bathroom and moved to the bed. I changed my clothes and Michael brought the kids and my mom upstairs to surprise them that their JuneBug had arrived.

Before doing the newborn exam we laid Lea on the bed and unwrapped her so the kids could see if they had a sister or brother.

J was the first one to say “a girl” and thankfully Sarah got the moment on camera. J said he was extra special because he had so many sisters to take care of and was the only boy. We gave C and J necklaces that said big sister and big brother and then had my mom/Ami hold the baby as we announced her name to everyone for the first time. My mom teared up because of the Alberta of course and I was fighting happy tears as I saw her reaction.

Jen did the newborn exam with Lea laying on me skin to skin. Brenda weighed her and surprised us that she was 9oz more than K at 9lbs15oz 22in and she had a 15in head (which was less of a surprise to me).

The kids loved the excitement and talking to all the ladies about their little JuneBug. E (our 2.5 year old) kept wanting to look at “Le-la” and K (20 months) would squeal and kiss the “buh-bee!” over and over. C's favorite moment was when Lea grabbed her finger with her hand.
 
J (almost 5) was very proud of his big brother role but also thinking towards being a father himself it seems. He got upset talking to Sarah and said "I don't know how to use the phone so how will I call you when my baby comes some day?” but then calmed down when realizing “Well maybe the Mommy can call you."

Sarah took some amazing pictures of us as a family of seven and with our birth team. I especially love that she also got to capture a picture of Talitha and I with my three VBA2C girls, all three she's doulaed for.

Everyone left after a bit and though I was tired I could still barely sleep since looking back it didn't feel real. It was a lot different than my previous births, still what my body needed, and the story I was meant to live, I didn't chose it as much as just lived it and accepted it, and I'm so happy I could do what I could, in our home, surrounded by so much love, strength, faith, and trust, to meet my little Lea.

Update:

It's now been 5 weeks since I had my 5th child. Physically I am feeling great other than the initial rougher postpartum cramping being more severe than usual. I am wearing a binder to help my diastasis. I had no real tears and within 2 weeks of having Lea felt like I could do more physically than I could've before getting pregnant, though I waited a bit longer before resuming physical activity to not overdo it.

For a bit postpartum I felt a little guilty for cursing a bit more, and maybe not relaxing as much as I might have intended during the whirlwind labor and birth, but looking back and talking to Michael, Talitha, and Brenda, I was strong and even needing to curse or whatever was just doing what I needed to make it through and therefore was doing what was best for my baby and myself. This birth may have been a more tiring journey than my others, but it was still beautiful for me and I never doubted God was there with me and that I was supposed to be birthing safely in my own home, even if I did doubt I was in labor or that the baby would ever come out.

It's funny how looking back it seems so much longer to me than it was. Michael says he thinks it was easier for us than K's birth, I wonder if maybe that's just because he had more sleep though he says otherwise. Either way though looking down at this perfect little girl I would go through it all again over and over for her.

Thanks to my amazing birth team, Brenda my midwife, my doula Talitha, and the midwife assistants and as I think of them my co-doulas Que and Jen! Thanks so much to Sarah for the gorgeous pictures and memories she captured for us that day! And Thanks to all the wonderful ladies of ICAN once again!

I am so blessed to have this support network and I am so thankful I could share a third pregnancy and birth journey with yall.